im sad, and its ok

 hi buddy, howwy ur day?

btw, i bring some a good news, actually i keep it this news coz im scared to tell u guys, and who cares too hahah

so yeahh, at the end i choose to be a med-stud, and now i am officially a medical student of private school ( university ) in bandung, u know, its scared me.

tbh i feel so bless cozz im surrounding with a lots of kind ppl, but its still hard to find a 'best friend' u know what i mean?

dude, what about boyfie? i think if i found it, i prefer to keep it coz isnt a right time to think abt that, i mean everyone need a support system rigth? but im just afraid if it will be a boomerang for me.

im scared buddy, for real.

im scared when all the ppl call me bu dok...

like dude, i see that, i feel like everyone look at me and say " Little girl with no brain really trying to get that name"

fuck my mind.

so yeah, idk, for now i hope i cant rest from my mind, and forgeting the pain from all the ppl who make me feel so numb and afraid to make a deep relation with new ppl.

u know, isnt their fault, its just abt time and some bad moment.

oh my brain, my friend, i know its hard for u right?

to keep a lots of question, i cant! no one come to my life, i need one, but i know i cant have it, i dont have energy to try to find, i dont have feeling again to start a new story.

im here with my own mind, screaming to the world if i dont really need that, while my heart endure the pain.

no shaf, please dont, isnt a right time to accept someone, dont please.

dont make ur self 'okay' with someone, please dont, its will be more hurt than u think...

and to be a med-stud, i know isnt easy to standup alone in the middle of the crazy world, but its better than u must to accept someone letting u go, or leaving u go.

thats enough? never i know.

but i know u learn, i know u try.

i love u, from bottom of my heart, shes to perfect to losing herself.

no one deserve u, no one.