Faycenna

Remember when u decide to never looking back again? I mean u try to running far away from ur tornado. But have u ever think about something u will face it? Remember when u stick around to love him even he doesnt know abt ur feelin? Remember how to still love ur bones when saw him with another human in this fucking world? Can u remember the feelin when u cant love who loving u? Can u remember that feelin? Messed up. Can u show the energy? Messed up Can u feel how ur blood burn in ur nerve? Have u ever wake up and feel something lost? Have u ever u wake up and thought if yesterday might be the last day u inspire the oxygen. So hows ur feelin when u remember this year? How ur feelin when u remember this month? How ur feelin when u remember this week? How ur feelin when u remember this time? How ur feelin when u remember thats scream and decided to go?

 ada yang belum selesai cerita kita cerita yang belum utuh terbentuk ia lahir tiba-tiba, tanpa gejala, tanpa tanda tentang suara yang belum seutuhnya berani berkata kita yang masih menyalahkan keadaan, belum puas tapi sudah takut duluan kamu yang tidak ku tahu apakah memikirkan hal yg sama aku yang meradang, membenci, tiba-tiba melihat catatan kecil tergeltak buat terkenang masa itu lagi yang saling menyalahkan diri, berkata 'aku yang salah, kamu yang harus nya membenciku' tidak, tidak bodoh kenapa harus kita sebutkan kata itu? kita yang jadi saling membenci lupa menyelesaikan cerita, atau cerita kita memang belum selesai? ada yang belum selesai. kisah ini kurajut menjadi lebih panjang, mungkin kamu tidak tahu itu aku sendiri di perjalanan, aku tahu kamu melangkah duluan di depan katamu jangan tergesa di belakang, aku mengerti titah itu aku penuh sabar berharap, aku tahu akan sampai disana, dan kau pasti menunggu luka ku masih basah, ku tunggu masa itu, dengan mu di tempat yang...

 u know sometimes i wish i can stop a time for feel whats goin on with my life for a while. something hurt me, something comes, something go, something try to kill my feelin, i cant stop, its sudden and make my self confuse. what do u guys want to do? whats wrong? hate me? whats wrong? idk, something wrong. i dont want to make them feel my feelin, its too easy to make u guys feel sorry. but i know isnt a good way. happy for u guys, i hope.

 u dont have to think about something never make u grow, okeiii its enough to read it, accept it, happy for u, my soul

 hi buddy, howwy ur day? btw, i bring some a good news, actually i keep it this news coz im scared to tell u guys, and who cares too hahah so yeahh, at the end i choose to be a med-stud, and now i am officially a medical student of private school ( university ) in bandung, u know, its scared me. tbh i feel so bless cozz im surrounding with a lots of kind ppl, but its still hard to find a 'best friend' u know what i mean? dude, what about boyfie? i think if i found it, i prefer to keep it coz isnt a right time to think abt that, i mean everyone need a support system rigth? but im just afraid if it will be a boomerang for me. im scared buddy, for real. im scared when all the ppl call me bu dok... like dude, i see that, i feel like everyone look at me and say " Little girl with no brain really trying to get that name" fuck my mind. so yeah, idk, for now i hope i cant rest from my mind, and forgeting the pain from all the ppl who make me feel so numb and afraid to make a ...

 the world never give something u want, who knows? but if slow down and trying to accept the missery, sometimes its feel so addicted. and sometimes this life give a piece of cupcakes, for make u smile even just for a second. its hard i know, but its life.

in over the moon movie, chang'e said and if u give love you'll never lose love it only grows more and more. and ill hold it in my hand, ill keep it in my head. i think i must to learn make dumpling and mooncake rn.

 i did that again, self harm, idk how many times. its hard for me, failure, i dont know how to be a good kid or maybe a cool kid? lol its so sucks, life was so suck, idk again. my body, i cant feel it, its too plain.

 i cant stop to feel sad, idk how to stop.

before all my friend know my comfort zone, maybe ill sambat in here until ape ya. until i feel little bit better, or totally better. so yesterday its announce day from ltmpt abt result of utbk in (i forgot) and yahh, i have done. and i failed, thats fine, no stress, deal with it. but idk why tehre is a lots of ppl who dont give a fuck with ur feelin, @/all the ppl in that fucking group can u guys just shut the fuck up of ur mouth and ur finger for a while? stupid. i mean when u go to twitter or ig maybe its our job for control our mind or stop scrolling through the timeline. but how about text? its so stupid, for sure, totally stupid. i dont give a fuck if someone saw this post and know its mean from him, i totally hate u and please i want to kick ur ass off. yeah, and its my first time did a self harm, u tell me if i seek any attention? yeah of course, but who gonna found this blog? when i said that i really proud of my friennds, i really mean it. but idk, i feel so fragile, lmao. kek...

 gila ya ternyata gw selemah ini, idk again and at the end of the story gw kesini lagi. idk, kek jahat bgt org org kadang, gw lemah bgt, gw selemah itu, bodoamat org org bilang gw drama atau gak. gw tau di luar sana pasti ada yg ngerti gw, tp gw benci bgt org org yg gada perasaan nya samsek. i hate that guy, i hate my self.

 ya rabbana gw capek bgt, gw gatau lagi mau nulis dimana hahaahah

 hai moots, i felt so tired. today my father ask me to go to somewhere, u know lebaran main ke tempat tempat org. but im so afraid with all the question yg dateng, kek today i really felt tired with everything, kek sampe i fikirin hal about something yg pengen bgt gw dapetin. im afraid, i feel im not woth for everyone, im trying to make a scars in my hand, but im to afraid and my brother come into my room. sometimes i felt like who gonna care about me? who? never i hate everyone, i want to over all the realationship :( idk again, its hard for me, idk again i felt like i just want to go to neverland gn

i'm afraid, and disapointed. isnt my fault, or maybe i'm just a part of. so should i say sorry for a lot of thing we made? i mean, i know ull hate me and also me too. but the good memories its still there and u have no right to hate them all.

  so have u ever thinking about the end? should i show u all of my thougt? or u never care about it? how do u feel? have u ever feel alone? or its just me? btw, i can read your mind since that day. i know what u feel since that day. do you remember? or its just me? or its just a delusion?

  guys, hallowww how are u? i try to write something here, u know what? i felt so mess, and sad, and fear about tomorrow, my future. so yeah, a lot of thing came into my life and sometimes without permission, i felt so tired to felt, and sometimes dont know how to cry or maybe dont know why i cried. so guys btw, 16 april is my date to national examination for apply to univ, and im so scare, kek i thought i'm still lack a lot of materi yampunnn idk what to do, of course we have another way, but i still feel soooo scare and guilty, how could i have a lots of genius friend, but gw nyaaa kekk stoopiddd huhu. yeah, life goes on. i wish the best for you all aamiin, for me too. and yeah life still goes on, and a lot of thing through in our life. sad, happy, fear, love, guilty, embarssing, and all of the feeling in our soul. can we stop it and go back to our home? i mean yeah? heaven. btw this month is the best month coz its ramadhan. wait, yeah ramadhan hahah, i remember something but oke...

 dear shafia -from 2021- aku tau ini berat sekali, melepaskan satu persatu orang yang kamu anggap dekat, yang kamu sayang, yang kamu percaya, tetapi semua nya pasti bisa kamu lalu kok. aku tau kamu capek banget, dulu berharap mereka ada agar kamu bisa selalu merasa utuh, nyatanya menggantungkan diri pada manusia itu emang selalu salah. semua orang, mereka itu baik shafia, mereka gak jahat, ini tentang waktu aja, saat ini mereka bukan di takdirkan ada di cerita kamu. shafia, tuhan itu maha baik, kamu di bentuk menjadi shafia yang tangguh, agar nanti kamu bisa banyak belajar juga paham kehidupan di bumi ini. gak perlu takut-takut lagi untuk melepaskan, untuk memulai mungkin sekarang kamu juga jadi resah, tp peraya sama gw kalo lo bisa menerima semua ini, kalo semua orang punya waktu nya masing-masing. cerita, iya semua cerita kemarin kamu bisa jadikan pelajaran dan kenangan kelak, jangan terus-terus menyesal pernah bertemu, karena siapun orang nya, siapapun teman, siapapun manusia, s...

close ur eyes, and and tell the world why u feel it? everybody can hear ur voice, coz u screaming even u keep silent and avoid the world. its hard for ur self? i know simce u go, since u make us just me and ur self. how was ur day? just answer it even i dont know what u say. its hard for ur self? hope u understand, sometimes the world give u a big deal but they know if u can pass it. hai, its my self, and i'll be ur suppor tsystem since this day, or maybe yesterday.

 i know we never to late to say that we must together but this life its never give us a chance to get our choice  and u know that i really have all of u need but u cant reach me, too far. i cant reach u, and im stuck in this place. just looking to you, without knowing how to reach ur hand. and i dont know again and again i dont know what to do u said if u already choosing to going somewhere and leave me but idk abt my self and i i really tired if i must to find another and i just stay stick around here, and dont know whats goin on. until u never come back again thats really okay because at the end, its me just me and my self/

 so yeah, its me little girl from this weirdo world, im 18 btw haha. so yeah, a lot of thing through in my life, happy, sad, or weird. i hate my life, i hate my self thoo, but i really feel it and enjoy my life, every single moment. yeah btw not really, but i always felt that my life its so funny with all the moment. ok btw i want to talking about letting someone go, omg can u imagine, i did it. no no, i mean its related on me, but i dont really belive if i really letting someone go. i dont know what is the meaning of letting someone go, we must to have it before? how about when u love someone who never interact with u but u must to letting him go? could it be like that? i dont know. maybe yes. so yeah, its sucks. first is when u dont know how show ur feeling second when u must to strugling with ur feeling ALONE third when u must to make sure if u letting him go but actually DONT. LIKE WHATH THE HELL IS IT? FROM WHERE THEIR COME FROM? THEIR RUIN UR LIFE!. but noo, thats okay, i can...